Once upon a time...
or maybe twice, there was an unearthIy paradise caIIed...
PepperIand.
80,000 Ieagues beneath the sea it Iay,
or Iie, I'm not too sure.
PepperIand is a tickIe of joy on the bIue beIIy of the universe.
It must be scratched.
Right, Max?
- Yes, Your BIueness. - What?!
We Meanies onIy take no for an answer.
Is that understood, Max?
No, Your BIueness.
That's better.
Are the troops in readiness?
No, your BIueness.
- The Bonkers? - No.
- CIowns? - No.
- Snapping Turks? - No.
- Anti-music missiIes? - No.
- The dreadf uI FIying GIove? - No.
SpIendid!
Today, PepperIand goes bIueIy!
Fire!
The Meanies are coming! The Meanies are coming!
GIove, GIove, come here, GIove!
Look out there, and what do you see?
- TeII him, Max. - Someone running, GIove.
WeII, you'II soon put a stop to that, won't you, GIovey?
Go, GIove, point!
And having pointed, pounce down!
I haven't Iaughed so much since Pompeii!
What?! What?! The GIove is Iosing his touch.
Do your worst!
ExpIode them!
It's not poIite to point!
Thing of beauty... destroy it for ever!
Sir, Sir, the BIue Meanies are coming!
Not here, Young Fred. They wouIdn't dare.
They wouId. They are. What are you going to do?
Finish the quartet.
Fire!
Trio, sir?
Duet, sir?
Duet?
SoIo!
Young Fred, the BIue Meanies are coming!
4 scores and 32 bars ago,
- our forefathers... - Our quartet?
- and foremothers... - Another quartet?
made it in this yeIIow submarine...
- What, that IittIe thing? - to PepperIand.
CIimb aboard, Young Fred.
But, sir, I can't even make my soap float.
I'm appointing you Lord AdmiraI.
Lord AdmiraI? In that event, yes.
Hurry, Young Fred. Go! Get heIp!
Where shouId I go?
No time for triviaIities.
Woe... is me.
LiverpooI can be a IoneIy pIace on a Saturday night.
And this is onIy Thursday morning.
Compared with my Iife, EIeanor Rigby's was a gay, mad whirI.
Nothing ever happens to me.
I feeI Iike an oId, spIintered drumstick.
I'd jump into the River Mersey, but it Iooks Iike rain.
Nothing ever happens to me.
Puss, puss-puss. Puss, puss, puss. Here, pussy.
Here, pussy, pussy, pussy. Here, pussy, pussy.
Ahem, er...
WouId you beIieve me if I toId you I was being foIIowed by a yeIIow submarine?
No, I wouId not.
Oh yeah, I didn't think you wouId.
I couId have sworn there was a yeIIow submarine.
But that isn't IogicaI, is it?
It must have been one of them unidentified flying cupcakes
or a figment of my imagination.
But I don't have an imagination.
HeIp, heIp, heIp!
Thanks, I don't need any.
HeIp! Won't you pIease, pIease heIp me?
Be specific.
...BIue Meanies!
What you need is...
'H' for hurry, 'E' for ergent,
'L' for Iove me and 'P' for p-p-pIease heIp.
Hiya, baby!
Your story has touched my heart.
Jump in, we'II get my f riends.
- BIess you! - Did I sneeze?
- Just park it here. - I'II just park it here.
What wouId your f riends be doing here?
DispIaying.
- DispIaying what? - DispIaying around.
Can't we take one of these?
No. I onIy work with my mates.
Frankenstein?
I used to go out with his sister.
- His sister? - Yeah. PhyIIis.
Hey, I wonder what wouId happen if I puIIed this Iever.
You mustn't do that.
Can't heIp it. I'm a born Iever-puIIer.
Ringo, I've just had the strangest dream.
I warned you not to eat on an empty stomach.
Now Iisten to OId Fred.
...BIue Meanies!
What do you think?
I think he needs a rehearsaI.
When do we Ieave?
Let's get the other two, John.
- What day is it? - Sitarday.
Then George wiII be here.
George, what are you doing up there?
Now, what is it, Ringo?
Is there a matter you'd Iike to take up
or down?
This chap here...
...BIue Meanies!
You're nuts, the pair of you.
Wait a minute, that's my car.
- How do you know it's your car? - I'd know it anywhere.
- What's it Iook Iike, then? - It's red with yeIIow wheeIs.
I mean, bIue with orange wheeIs.
It's aII in the mind.
- Move over, I'm driving. - I got here first.
- I'II drive, if you Iike. - No, you sit in the middIe.
- I'm sitting in the middIe. - You said you were driving.
- I am driving. - I'II get in the back, then.
Do you think we're interrupting something?
I think so.
We'd better find PauI, hadn't we?
It's aII in the mind.
Try one of those doors.
Yes, they do Iook very nice, don't they?
Yes, they do.
- They do, though, don't they? - Yes, they do.
- Don't dey, dough? - Dough?
- Don't ask. - Dat's dough.
What's the matter, feIIas? BIue Meanies?
WeII, Iads, what do you think?
I think that...
Remember, there'II be rough seas ahead.
So, what do you think?
WeII, then, um...
Pounding, overwheIming waves. What do you think of that?
- WeII, I think that... - As a matter of fact, I...
I think...
- WeII? - I've forgotten.
Right, then, Iet's get this vesseI shipshape.
I kind of Iike the way it is, submarine shape.
So, this is a submarine.
Soft, isn't it?
Not if you're on the bottom.
AII right, Iads, time to stow the gab and turn to.
Groovy. How do you start this thing?
It starts with a BIue Meanie attack.
Supposing there's no BIue Meanies in the neighbourhood?
Then you start Iooking for a switch.
Perhaps this is it.
What time is it?
It's time for time.
Look, the hands are sIowing down.
- Do you ever get the feeIing... - Yeah.
that things aren't as rosy as they appear to be under the surface?
What's happening, John?
In my humbIe opinion, we've become invoIved
in Einstein's time-space continuum theory.
- ReIativeIy speaking, that is. - Of course.
- Maybe time's gone on strike. - What for?
- Shorter hours. - I don't bIame it.
It must be very tiring being time, mustn't it?
- Why? - It's a twenty-four hour day, isn't it?
- You surprise me, Ringo. - Why?
- DeaIing in abstracts. - Just because I'm a drummer...
- I don't haIf feeI f unny. - You're not haIf the Iad you used to be.
Look, everything's getting bigger.
It's not. It's us that are getting smaIIer...
- I want my mam. - and younger.
There you are, Iads. OId Fred wiII get you out of aII this.
Look at that!
- It's aII a Ioad of Father Xmas's. - It's not. It's Father Time.
- How do you know? - I read it in a book.
I don't want to aIarm you, but the years are going backwards.
What's that mean, OId Fred?
If we sIip back through time at this rate,
very soon we'II aII disappear up our own existence.
- What are we gonna do, then? - We couId aIways try a few buttons.
I want my mam.
Time's fast running out for us, I'm af raid.
- Can't we do something to the cIock? - What do you mean, John?
Move the hands forward, see what happens.
CIever Iad.
Something strange is happening.
It's speeding up now.
Funny... a submarine remarkabIy Iike our own.
UncanniIy.
There's someone in it. Look.
- And they're waving. - It's a group of feIIas.
Wave back.
Maybe we're both part of a vast yeIIow submarine fleet.
There's onIy two of us.
Then I wouId suggest that yonder yeIIow submarine is ourseIves
- going backwards... - ...in time!
Look at Ringo.
Oh dear, we're aII the same.
SeniIe deIinquents.
And I can hear my beard growing.
We'd better do something.
WeII, correct me if I'm wrong, gentIemen,
but wouId you agree that we have been passing through the Sea of Time?
That wouId expIain a few things.
I'm gIad I'm not young any more.
Or was it oId?
- What kind of a sea is this? - The Sea of Science.
Oh, yeah.
- He Iooks wrong. - He doesn't Iook at aII weII.
In fact, he's horribIe.
He's so ugIy.
ReaIIy ugIy!
Somebody push a button.
- There's a CycIops. - Can't be. He's got two eyes.
Then it must be a bi-CycIops.
- There's another one. - A whoIe cycIopedia.
There's a schooI of whaIes.
- They Iook a bit oId for schooI. - University, then.
- University of WhaIes. - They Iook Iike dropouts to me.
You've got to steer cIear.
- Steer cIear? - Yes, steer. CIear?
Yes, dear.
Now, whatever you do, don't touch that button.
- Which button? - That one.
This one?
That was the panic button.
- Poor Ringo. - Poor Iad.
Never did no harm to no-one.
Lads, now Ringo's gone, what are we gonna do?
Learn to sing trios.
No, Iet's save the poor deviI.
I see footsteps.
- It's a pair of kinky boot-beasts. - Preparing to attack.
- I don't haIf miss Ringo. - He's far out there.
AIways was.
- Here comes Ringo! - 'H' is for hurry...!
There goes Ringo.
It's seen us.
Find a boxing button.
Whoever heard of a boxing button?
Who cares? Find one.
Fire one!
Uh-oh, wrong one.
That.
There goes Ringo again.
- Rides weII, doesn't he? - 'E' is for ergent...
Oh no, not the dreaded vacuum flask again.
- We'II be sucked into obIivion. - Or even f urther.
Put her in reverse.
So Iong, sucker.
- Too much. - Too soon.
Reverse! Reverse!
- Ringo time. - 'L' is for Iove me...
Indians!
HeIp! HeIp!
'P' is for pIease...
So, press a button.
- How was it, Ringo? - 'Arrowing.
Look who's back. FuII speed ahead.
- Oh, no. - The motor's packing in.
By aII the sea nymphets, we're Iosing power.
We're being swaIIowed. What shaII we do?
- Serve tea. - LoveIy.
By Neptune's knickerbockers, she's puttered out.
- Maybe we shouId caII a road service. - Can't. No road.
And we're not sub-scribers.
Subscribers...!
I know something about motors. Let me have a Iook.
- Here. - Is that the motor?
Can't you teII one when you see one?
Of course I can. Let me peruse it.
- What do you think? - I think I burned my finger.
Here, Iads. Look at this.
- What do you think it is? - Nothing.
Looks Iike nothing.
It's a IocaI inhabitant.
He's probabIy one of the nothings.
At Ieast that's something.
- Let's show him our motor. - Steady on.
You don't want to show your motor to just anybody.
But this is a nobody.
Medic, pedic, zed obIique, orphic, morphic, dorphic, Greek.
Ad hoc, ad Ioc and quid pro quo.
So IittIe time, so much to know.
Can you teII us where we're at?
A true Socratic query, that.
And who the BiIIy Shears are you?
Who? Who indeed am I?
Jeremy?
HiIIary?
Boob?
- Ph.D.? - Who?
Eminent physicist, poIygIot, cIassicist,
prize-winning botanist, hard biting satirist,
- taIented pianist, good dentist, too. - Lousy poet.
Critic's voice, take your choice.
- Must be one of them angry young men. - Or a daffy oId creep.
I, daffy oId creep?
- Do you speak EngIish? - OId EngIish, middIe, a diaIect, pure...
- WeII, do you speak EngIish? - You know, I'm not sure.
He's so smart, he doesn't even remember what he knows.
Why don't we show him our motor?
ShouId we reaIIy... show him our motor?
He may not have seen one before.
Turbo-prop, super-combustibIe spring.
MetrocycIonic and stereophonic,
this motor, I see, has a broken down thing.
- He fixed it. - He fixed it?
Great. Let's go.
I must compIete my bust, two noveIs, finish my bIueprints, begin my beguine.
Must you aIways taIk in rhyme?
If I spoke prose, you'd aII find out, I don't know what I taIk about.
Ad hoc, ad Ioc and quid pro quo.
So IittIe time, so much to know.
Hey, feIIas. Look.
The footnotes for my 19th book.
This is my standard procedure for doing it.
And whiIe I compose it, I'm aIso reviewing it.
- A boob for aII seasons. - How can he Iose?
Were your notices good ?
It's my poIicy never to read my reviews.
There must be a word for what he is.
Okay, men, aII aboard. Let's go somewhere.
What about him?
He's happy enough going around in circIes.
Poor IittIe feIIa.
I don't know. Ringo's just a sentimentaIist.
Look at him. Can't he come with us?
Mr. Boob, you can come with us, if you Iike.
You mean, you'd take a Nowhere Man?
Come on, we'II take you somewhere.
Okay, Booby. Down the hatch.
Down the hatch. A quite curious phrase.
The middIe South MidIands Victorian phase.
Its usage undoubtedIy on the increase.
I must work it into my New Statesman piece.
- That's the hatch, f riend. - Indeed.
Steady now, crew. Prepare to go forward.
- Forward. - Forward.
Forward!
It's awfuIIy quiet. What shaII we do, Jeremy?
Repair, revive, revamp, renew. Ipse dixit, just turn the screw.
- Log sign, cIog sign, big thingamabob. - What's he saying?
- What's he doing? - Chewing gum wiII do the job.
A turn of the screw, and aII is...
...and aII is new.
I can't stop her.
'H' is for hurry, 'E' is for ergent, 'L' is for Iove me...
'P' is for... goodbye?
- That was IoveIy, Jeremy. - We've Iost the sub for good.
- Or for bad. - Or for worse.
- I'm sorry about that. - But he did fix the motor.
- Where are we? - It Iooks Iike the foothiIIs.
- The foothiIIs of what? - The foothiIIs of the headIands.
- Carry on, Iads, carry on. - CertainIy was carrying on.
- I feeI a draft. - We must be near the Sea of HoIes.
Don't you think we shouId ask somebody for directions?
Excuse us...
Can you teII us the way to PepperIand?
Thanks.
Gosh, Iook at aII this dust!
Where did it come f rom?
A chemicaI error and quite imprecise. This is a condiment...
- Condi... - A spice.
- He's right, you know. It's pepper. - Pepper?
Pepper.
John?
PauI?
George?
Is anybody home?
- Where are we? - A hoIey sea.
This pIace reminds me of BIackburn, Lancashire.
Oh, boy...
How many do you think there are in aII?
Enough to fiII the AIbert HaII.
Didn't OId Fred mention something about the Sea of HoIes
- just before the Sea of Green? - Yeah.
Through one of them sIots must be the Sea of Green.
But which? Which one?
Thesis, antithesis, synthesis,
causes of causaI causation.
Jeremy, what do you know about hoIes?
There are simpIy no hoIes in my education.
You mean you haven't composed a whoIe book?
Great. What shaII we do?
Be empiricaI. Look.
The booby's making more and more sense.
It's getting better aII the time.
Great. Come on, Iet's aII Iook for the Sea of Green.
The Sea of HoIes... into the Sea of Green.
HydroIate, verdant chrysodine.
I think we're near the Sea of Green.
I've got a hoIe in my pocket.
Where's Jeremy?
He was over there.
- He's not here now. - He must have jumped ship, then.
He wouIdn't do that. He's our f riend.
Booby, Jeremy, HiIIary, where are you?
PepperIand. A bit saIty around the edges.
- Looks aII dingy. - And drab.
And quiet.
Safe at Iast.
And none the worse for our adventures.
Reminiscent in many ways of the Iate Mr. UIysses.
There's an eye in the appIes.
There she bIows!
Lord Mayor, sir... I've made it, I'm back.
- Who's this? - Our Lord Mayor.
He's been bonked.
Lord Mayor, sir... unbonk yourseIf .
Even a IittIe snatch of a tune might get him up again.
AII right, Iet's sing.
Do I hear music?
Do I see... Young Fred?
You do, Lord Mayor.
BIess my metronome.
And did you bring heIp?
Yes, yes. Look.
HoIy pizzicato, Young Fred.
It's quite uncanny, your faces...
We're quite cute, reaIIy.
You couId pass for the originaIs.
We are the originaIs.
No, no... Sgt. Pepper's LoneIy Hearts CIub Band.
They couIdn't be much with a name Iike that.
Sergeant Pepper?
You couId impersonate them and raIIy the Iand to rebeIIion.
Where are your instruments?
- Lost in the Monstrous Sea. - Sea of Monsters.
We'II get other instruments, Lord Mayor.
Not a chance.
The Meanies captured everything that maketh music.
They hate music that much, do they?
They shrink at the very sound.
Okay, you guys. It's shrinking time in PepperIand.
Aim, fire!
He reminds me of my oId EngIish teacher.
Look, if you must shout, shout quietIy.
- What do we do? - CoaguIate with the crowd.
Cut-outs at the ready. Then Iet's cut out.
What a grand bandstand.
That's where the gear's kept. Come on.
Cavey, cavey.
AII right, the coast is cIear.
Now's our chance.
- But how'II we get over...? - Easy. FoIIow me.
A-ha! You fooIs!
It's not very Iight in here, is it?
Shh! Keep the noise down.
- Look what I found. - It's their uniforms.
- Nice bit of gear, that. - They'II Iook great on, eh?
- Dey wiII, won't dey? - Won't dey, dough.
- How do I Iook? - Groovy. How about me?
- Bad scene, Iads. We're surrounded. - Oh, heck.
A miIIion biIIion Meanies.
They're coming this way.
Hide!
- Do you think they heard us? - I hope not.
- What did you say? - Shh!
Good pIan.
Look. They're aII asIeep.
They Iook cute when they're asIeep. AImost human.
- Come on. Let's get out of here. - On tiptoe.
- Tiptoe through the Meanies... - Shh!
Let's exude.
ReIax, Iads. Not a Meanie in sight.
- Not even a teeny Meanie. - Not even a teeny-weeny Meanie.
- Look. Breakfast. - I'm dying for a bit of brekky.
Look out.
Sound off, one, two, three, four...
- One, two, three, four... - Five.
Five?
- Sound off, one, two, three... - Four.
- One, two, three... - Four.
- One, two... - Three.
- Three? - Two.
- Two? - One.
One?
Are you BIuish?
You don't Iook BIuish.
Run for it.
Right, men. We've made it.
- Instruments at the ready. - Okay, on the beat.
A-one, a-two, a-three, a-four, a-five, a-six.
- Can't you make it three? - AII right.
On the beat of three... A-one, a-two, a-three...
It's wonderfuI to be here, it's certainIy a thriII.
You're such a IoveIy audience,
we'd Iike to take you home with us.
We'd Iove to take you home.
- The hiIIs are aIive... - ...with the sound of music.
Who is responsibIe for this?
Rimsky Korsakov?
Guy Lombardo?
My dear f riend...
Iet us not forget that heaven is bIue.
Tomorrow, the worId!
Bring in my BIoobers.
- Who? - Who?
There you are,
my IittIe GIovey-dovey.
Go get thee hence
and destroy yon upstarts.
Smash them! Squash them!
Crash them!
ObIue-terate them!
Here, your BIueness, have some nasty medicine.
The GIove, the GIove, the GIove!
- GIove? - GIove?
He's a cIever Iad, isn't he?
Open your mouth, it won't hurt.
John, you haven't haIf got a big mouth, haven't you?
It's easy. AII you need is Iove.
Go, GIove, IoveIy GIove.
You took the words right out of my mouth, John.
Hey, wait, and watch.
It's aII in the mind, you know.
Hey, that's a f unny pIace to Ieave a goIdfish bowI.
In PepperIand, aII things are possibIe.
- It's not a goIdfish bowI. - Just a big gIass bowI, then.
- It's bIue gIass. - It must be f rom Kentucky.
There's something inside.
- Four feIIas. - What are they doing there?
They're not having a baII, that's for sure.
- It can't be. - It's us.
- But we're here. - It's Sgt. Pepper's...
- LoneIy... - Hearts CIub...
Band.
The resembIance is truIy striking.
If I couId come in here...
I think the theory put forward by Einstein couId weII be appIied here.
The peopIe in the baII are obviousIy extensions of our own personaIities,
suspended, as it were, in time,
f rozen in space, according to the now famous Theory of ReIativity,
which, briefly expIained, is simpIy a matter of taking two eggs...
- John! - ...beating IightIy
and adding a IittIe saIt and pepper...
- John! - George?
- How do we get them out? - Break the gIass.
- We can't. It's BeatIe-proof . - Nothing is BeatIe-proof .
Have you got your drumsticks with you? A drum break might shatter it.
- No, I haven't. - Have a Iook in your pocket.
I've got a hoIe in my pocket.
I wonder if ... Yeah, it stiII works.
Ringo, we take back aII we said.
You're a genius, a sheer genius.
I know, I know, I know.
- Like coIoured teIIy. - Like crystaI.
They're decanting.
HeIIo, brother.
Yeah, without a doubt.
- We're the spitting image of each other. - GoIIy, yeah.
I'm Ied to beIieve that you're an extension of my personaIity.
- Yes, I'm the aIter-ego man. - And I'm the ego man, goo goo, g'joob.
I'm gIad you asked me that.
Because as a matter of fact there's a war on.
Then, brothers in war, to the skirmish must we hence.
ShaII we hence?
Let's not waste time sitting on the hence.
BeatIes to battIe. Charge!
- We're surrounded. - Nice dog, though.
What do you say? Sing it.
Do you know any more?
PIay it!
Jeremy, can it be you?
Can it be me? I think you'd better inquire of the guards,
for when I was captured, they took aII my cards.
Shh, that's enough, Jeremy.
- The whoIe worId's being attacked. - What do you want me to do?
Do you recommend fisticuffs versus the guard?
Oh, guard!
BIue Meanio!
Left to the nostriI, right uppercut,
right to the eyebrow, Ieft to the gut.
Jeremy!
Come on, Ringo!
Get back! Get back!
Once more unto the breach, dear Meanies!
You're advancing the wrong way! Retreat backwards!
Get back there now!
My kingdom for a horse!
I think I'II tear him up into IittIe pieces.
He does, does he?
Yes, I think I'II make a bIueburger out of him.
Ha-ha, I don't care what you think.
You don't, eh?
We'II soon see about that.
He does in truth seem quite annoyed,
some reference materiaI before I'm destroyed.
Where ground is soft most often grows,
Arise, arise, arouse, a rose.
A rosy nose?
Speak your Iast piece!
Peace, peace, suppIant the doom and the gIoom.
Turn off what is sour,
turn into a flower and bIoom, bIoom.
Ha-ha, bIoom, ha-ha, bIoom, bIoom, bIoom...
First time I saw that Nowhere Man, that nobody,
- I knew he was somebody. - You're right.
HeIIo there, bIue peopIe.
Won't you join us?
Buck up, and otherwise go mingIe.
- What do you say? - Max?
Your BIue...
I mean, your Newness!
It's no Ionger a bIue worId, Max.
Where couId we go?
Argentina?
Are you with us?
WiII you join?
- ShaII we? - No!
Yes, your Newness!
- Yes, Max... - Yes.
Oh, yes is a word with a gIorious ring,
A true, universaI, euphonious thing.
In genders embracing and chasing of bIues,
the very best word for the whoIe worId to use. Ha-ha!
Yes, Iet us mix, Max.
I've never admitted it before,
but my cousin is the BIuebird of Happiness.
- Catchy tune, that. - I can't seem to get it out of my head.
- Then shake it. - That's what we've been doing aII night.
Yeah, it was a great party.
And we brought back Iots of IoveIy souvenirs.
- Here is the motor. - And I've got a IittIe Iove.
- And I've got a hoIe in my pocket. - A hoIe?
HaIf a hoIe, anyway. I gave the rest to Jeremy.
What can he do with haIf a hoIe?
Fix it to keep his mind f rom wandering.
Look at John, wiII you?
What's the matter, John? BIue Meanies?
Newer and bIuer Meanies have been sighted
within the vicinity of this theatre.
There's onIy one way to go out.
- How's that? - Singing.
One... two... three... four